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Shine_Sooo_Bright
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Name: Lauren
Location: Orange County, California, United States
Birthday: 2/6/1990
Gender: Female
Interests: I like music, hanging out with friends, going to Disneyland, and my iPod. :]]
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
AIM:  OMEG Im Lauren
Member Since:
6/29/2005
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| This is the last time I'm posting in here. Which is fine because I barely post in here anyways. First off, it's summer and so I need time to do things. Second off, I'm leaving for college after summer and I definitely will need time. Third off, I'm just done. Stephen and I are officially done. I'm done with wasting my days and nights worrying about him. I'm done with wondering if he maybe lied to me day in and day out of our relationship. Almost six months. In eleven days it would have been six months. Instead I'm wondering if we should even count pass four. We haven't talked in a month. What's your reasoning for that? Is your leg really so broken that it stops you from picking up a phone? It stops you from asking someone else to pick up a phone for you? It keeps you from even sending me a letter. This is what's going to happen, love. You're going to wake up one day and realize what an amazing person I was. You won't find another girl as patient as me. You won't find another girl to make you blankets and scrapbooks and cookies and dinner. You won't find another girl who will sit in the garage with you while you smoke and spill her heart to you. You won't find another girl with a heart big enough to fill the whole world. You won't find another girl like me at all. I hope this is what you wanted quite a lot because I gave you a month. A month to try and contact me and I receive nothing but a few texts from your brother claiming you're in the hospital. Who knows, maybe you are. If that's the case you know how to reach me. It's when you have time. Maybe I won't have time for you then though. I was crazy enough to fall in love with you and I rarely make the same mistake twice. | | |
| "Just for that moment time stood still.
Nothing mattered but the thrill of things to come
and never knowin' where your goin'.
A little nervous and out of practice,
sweaty palms and an awkward silience.
You pulled me closer for a kiss and I'm so scared to feel like this.
Can't stop my hands from shakin'.
I won't blink cause I might miss and I've waited way too long for this.
The perfect words at the perfect time.
The perfect song with the perfect rhyme
compose the soundtrack to our night.
Are you listening?
Tonight the world will wait for us to say it's ok to move again.
The stars will have to find another sky to shed some light
cause this is our time to shine.
Is there some place we could go to be alone?
One last thing before you go.
A little song to let you know
that I never wanted to be anything but everything to you my dear.
But I spoke too soft for you to hear me say,
"I wish that I could stay."
And though it's our last night,
let's make it a lifetime before the sun comes up again.
I know this is goodbye.
I promise I won't cry if you promise you won't forget." [Shine by Cauterize]
This song just made me sad. It reminded me of Stephen. ;[ | | |
| "Near to you, I am healing
But it's taking so long
'Cause though he's gone
And you are wonderful
It's hard to move on
Yet, I'm better near to you.
You and I have something different
And I’m enjoying it cautiously
I’m battle scarred, I am working oh so hard
To get back to who I used to be
He’s disappearing
Fading suddelly
I’m so close to being yours
Won’t you stay with me
Please" [Near To You by A Fine Frenzy]
I love Stephen, like, I know I do. I've just been thinking about Ken a lot lately. I feel like I should write to him and see how he is. Kelsey told me not to because like if I really like Stephen I shouldn't write to Ken. He's in freaking Iraq though. I promised him I would write to him and now I'm not and I feel like horrible I guess. I feel like I should at least write once and see how he is and make sure he's okay. I don't know. I'm just worried about him I guess. He and I talked constantly for 3 months, but then all of a sudden it just stopped. I don't like it. | | |
| "Distance is not for the fearful; it is for the bold. It's for those willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the ones they want to be with. It's for knowing a good thing when they see it, even if they don't get to see it nearly enough."
I have to leave for work in like 5 minutes so this is going to be kind of short. I finally hung out with Stephen for a 7 days straight. That was nine days ago though. It feels so much longer than that. I'm so totally infatuated with this boy. I would do anything to be with him. I swear, there's no way this isn't real. The first time he touched me, there were so many butterflies in my stomach and everytime we kissed I nearly tripped over my feet. He has been the first boy I've felt this comfortable with. I can say anything to him and not feel stupid and one day I was with him with no make up on and my hair was a mess and he still made me feel good about myself. I don't know what it is about him that makes me forget how to think, but fuck. I wish I could just tell everyone I love him, but I can't. When we were together and holding hands or kissing or anything, I always wondered if people thought we were just like a hook up or that I was easy. I don't know why I thought these things. Maybe because I've never showed so much PDA as I did with him. I wish I could go back to Decemeber 27th and just live those days over and over and over again. Nothing has ever felt so perfect and right as those days did. I wasn't sure about anything, but now I'm sure about a few things. All because of those few days I spent with him. I know I can wait with him and I know people think I'm being stupid and maybe I am, but I really don't care right now. It's my thing to deal with, they don't have to deal with what's going on, that's only me. I wish people would just not judge me on the decisions I'm making right now. They feel so right.
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| "You don't know how often I find myself thinking about you. It's
not an obsession, it's just so incredible how someone so far away
can have that affect on you that you can touch my heart in a way
that only you do."
I have to admit that the real reason I'm so shut off from you is because I'm scared. You make me feel different than any boy has ever made me feel. You know a lot about me and it seems like everyday I learn something new about you. Like the fact that you love getting lunch with your mom and that you get nervous playing guitar in front of just one person, but you could play it in front of thousands of people any day. I'm scared because part me knows that something about this is so unbelievably real. Just a few weeks ago, I was talking about how I loved Ken, but don't people fall in love more than once? I don't know. I think you're so utterly perfect, Stephen. I stare at my phone waiting for you to call and text. I look forward to waking up in the morning just to talk to you. In 2 weeks, I'll be with you. In two weeks, I'm going to be sitting next to you. That scares me. The fact that I'm anticipating our first kiss and even our first real conversastion is enough to send my stomach into overdrive. At first, I admit, I thought I was just using you to get over Ken, but then the more we started talking, the more I realized that you were exactly the kind of boy I was looking for. I'll probably tell you about Ken while you're here, but only if you ask. I'm not going to hide it from you because this feels so much different than what happened with Ken. | | |
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